


You Gotta Break a Few

by AstroGirl



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Amorality, Dark Comedy, Gen, Mad Science, death and destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12103143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroGirl/pseuds/AstroGirl
Summary: When you have an infinite number of dimensions, infinitely many of them are expendable.  Or: Rick does some cooking.





	You Gotta Break a Few

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Gen Prompt Bingo, for the prompt "exothermic reaction." Note: contains canon-appropriate levels of darkness, violence, messed-up crap, childhood trauma, and swearing.

"Now, remember, Morty, whatever you do, just... just stay behind the force shield, all right, Morty? We'll be totally safe here."

"O-- Okay." Morty peered nervously through the shimmering blue hemisphere of the shield at the apparatus his grandpa had set up on the workbench. Rick hadn't even explained what it was supposed to do, but it certainly _looked_ impressive enough. 

"Okay. Here we go! _Urp!_ " Rick pushed a button on the device he was holding, and, very quickly, things started to happen. Sparks sparked. Blue mist hissed from an opening valve. A beaker of fluorescent green liquid began to tip downward.

"So, is this, like, really, really dangerou--"

The green drop hit a plate of unidentifiable organic material beneath it. And then, instantly, it wasn't there any more. Neither was the garage. The world was filled with billowing fire and raining debris. Well, all right, maybe the raining debris technically _was_ the garage.

Instinctively, Morty dropped to the floor and covered his head with his arms, but the fire, heat, ash, and falling pieces of walls and ceiling all bounced smoothly, harmlessly off the protective bubble.

"Yep," said Rick, making some adjustments on his gizmo.

Morty stood, shakily. "J-- Jesus Christ, Rick! What the hell?" He pressed his face against the shield. The fire had passed, the ash was settling, and he could see around them again. The house was a smoking, debris-filled crater. The whole house. "Holy crap, Rick, I think my mom was in the house!" As he looked closer, something moved feebly, wetly, in the area of what used to be the living room, and then was very still.

"That wasn't your mom, Morty. Not unless your mom is a hermaphrodite with elbows that bend the wrong way."

"But that-- That doesn't make it okay!" Marty paused. Was he sure about that? Was he sure about anything? "Does it?" 

"Come on. Time for test two!" Rick whipped out the portal gun and shot the floor beneath them. They tumbled out together, into the garage. An intact version of the garage.

While Morty stood there, trying to blink the memory of what he'd just seen out of his mind, Rick quickly reassembled the apparatus and reactivated the force shield.

"I-- I really don't know about this, Rick. I think I--"

Rick pushed a button. Around them the garage... turned inside out? Morty wasn't sure, but that was definitely what it seemed like. Pipes and wires were suddenly everywhere on the walls. Every object in the workshop looked... wrong. Like, really, seriously _wrong_.

From inside the house, and from outside on the street, Morty could hear wet, squelching noises, and brief, muffled screaming.

"I... I just don't see why you have to do this _here_ , Rick. If... If it's gonna do stuff like this, these tests you're doing, why not just, like, I dunno, go somewhere uninhabited and do it."

Rick rotated some dials on his gadget, not looking up. "I like the garage better, Morty. I know where all my stuff is. Well, mostly. The Rick from this dimension does _not_ put his beakers where they goddamn belong. Man, I hope that bastard was home. It'd serve him right."

"But--"

Before Morty could finish the sentence, they were falling into the garage again, and Rick was dashing off to set up the equipment one more time.

Morty took a deep breath. "I-- I don't think I'm okay with this, Rick. I don't think I'm okay with this, like, at all." 

"Oh, relax," said Rick, clamping the beaker into its holder. "It's no big deal. Those were garbage dimensions, anyway, Morty. Like, totally doomed. Hours away from -- _urp_ \-- from, like, total apocalypse. Anybody we killed, we probably did them a favor."

"R-- Really?" Maybe that was okay. Maybe that was not so bad.

Rick shrugged. "I dunno. Sure." He dragged Morty behind the shield and pushed the button. This time, nothing happened in the garage, but he could hear explosions from inside the house. Explosions, and more wet splattering. Worse than last time. Much worse. 

A wet, red stain was oozing slowly under the garage door. Morty wondered who it had been. Maybe it was him. Some alternate him, who'd never known what hit him. 

Morty found himself shivering. He couldn't seem to make himself stop.

"Almost there," said Rick, and they fell into the garage again.

"Seriously Rick, I know you said this is, like, really, really important, but there's gotta be some other way to do this. There's... there's... Aw, geez." He had to stop and swallow, to keep himself from being sick.

"This is science, Morty!" Rick said, not looking up from the workbench. "This is how science works. You gotta... You gotta break some omelets."

"What?" Morty wasn't even sure he'd heard that right.

"Omelets, Morty. You gotta break some omelets if you wanna make... Y'know, if you wanna make omelets."

"That doesn't even make any sense!" 

Rick ignored him, activated the shield, and pushed the button. Everything disappeared. They were standing on a circle of concrete garage floor, surrounded by a hemisphere of shimmering blue. Beyond them was nothing but darkness. Darkness, and stars.

"Congratulations, Rick. I think you destroyed, like, the entire Earth."

"Worth it," said Rick. "I think I've finally got this thing calibrated. Whoo-hoo!" He did a little dance, kicking up his heels, and shot a portal beneath them as he came in for the landing.

"Okay," he said, rushing around the garage. "I think this time's gonna do it. Wait'll you see, Morty. It's gonna be _awesome_!"

"Uh-huh," said Morty. Suddenly, he was tired. Suddenly, he wasn't sure he gave a shit anymore what happened to these other dimensions. All he wanted to do was go home, to _his_ home, where nobody's elbows bent the wrong way, and try to forget.

Rick activated the shield, pressed the button. Sparks sparked. Mist hissed. The beaker tilted. The drop fell. Morty winced and braced himself.

Nothing happened.

"Whoo-fucking- _hoo_!" shouted Rick. "I did it, baby! Yeah! Go, Rick! Fuck, yeah!"

"What..." The blue shimmer disappeared. Morty blinked. "What... What did you actually _do_ , anyway? What was so, like, so goddamned important?"

"Oh, Morty, you're gonna love this. Love it. Look!" He skipped over and picked the plate up from the workbench, holding it out for Morty's inspection.

Morty looked at it. Blinked hard. Looked again.

"Is that... _Is that actually a fucking omelet_?"

"You bet your ass it is! Best goddamned omelet in the multiverse!" He produced a fork from the pocket of his lab coat, closed his eyes, and took a bite. His expression was pure bliss. Morty didn't think he'd ever seen that look on his face before. It was... weird.

Rick opened his eyes. "Hey," he said. "Hey, you want some?" He held the fork out to Morty, and now his expression was... Not _kind_ , not quite, but... sort of nice? A grandpa offering to share something he really loves with his grandkid.

Morty looked at the omelet. It really _did_ look good. He felt queasy. "I'll pass," he said.

Rick shrugged and took another bite. "Suit yourself. More for me."

"Could you just... Could you just, like, take us home now? I really... I mean, geez, Rick, I just wanna, I dunno, go to bed." And hide under the covers. Maybe for a week.

"Go ahead," said Rick, jabbing his fork in the direction of the door. "We're there."

"We're... Wait, we're _what_?"

Rick rolled his eyes. "I knew it would work this time, Morty. Geez. Have a little faith in me!"

"Yeah," said Morty. "Yeah. Okay. Faith."

He stumbled towards the door.

Behind him, Rick's voice called out. "You really are missing out, Morty. Really missing out. This is the best freakin' omelet ever invented by humanity, or any other intelligent species. This is _so_ worth all that work." Morty could hear Rick's fork scraping the plate, the sounds of satisfied chewing.

Shuddering, Morty left the garage. In the house, everything was normal. Everything was quiet.

Everything was okay. 

_Everything was going to be okay._


End file.
